AnswerJealousy

Jealousy

ANSWER: This does sound like jealousy or possessiveness to me. I deal with this problem in Booklet No. 12 of my behaviour problems set.

I will try to give you a summary and some suggestions about what to do.
Jealousy or possessiveness, can apply to “resources” such bones or toys, as well as to the couch or favorite resting spot - and to the dog’s owner. Possessive aggression should not be confused with protectiveness.
•    recognise the difference between protectiveness and jealousy;
If your dog behaves aggressively when you attempt to have friendly contact with another dog or a human friend, don’t feel secretly flattered by this reaction.
This is not protection. It is jealousy or over-possessiveness. If your dog shows signs of jealousy, possessiveness, guarding of food or toys, warning growls, over-excited nipping or fearful barking - get help. Warning signs mean that unless you do something, worse is to come.

Description of the behaviour

• some dogs react to their owners hugging or kissing each other
They will try to get in on the act, sometimes by pushing in and trying to come between the parties; sometimes this can involve growling or attempting to bite one of the parties.
•     in extreme cases, the dog won’t let the other party, usually a husband or boyfriend, into the bedroom.
In these cases, a male dog seems to regard the woman as his property, and is guarding her against the attentions of the other person. I have heard of a case of a female dog doing this, but more commonly it is a male dog guarding a female owner.
Nell is not showing extreme aggression, but nevertheless what you describe is physical harassment of people, jumping up nipping and grabbing at clothing. This behaviour is designed to control people and the social situation. Dogs that do this will also sometimes react by playing up when you are on the phone, because you are not paying attention to the dog.
•     jealous dogs are usually very attached to one owner, and highly attention-seeking

Treatment

A two-fold program is needed. Firstly, the bossy, attention seeking dog should learn new ways to relate to you. This is generally done by means of non-confrontational leadership exercises.
Secondly, the presence of your partner or your mother should be handled in such a way that it is a signal for the dog to get attention. In other words, instead of the them signalling bad news for the dog, the owner should make an effort to associate them with pleasant experiences for the dog.
•    both you and the “victims” should participate in leadership and rank reduction exercises with the dog

Relationship between the dog and the object of jealousy

Your partner or mother (when practical) should take over feeding and walking the dog, in order to establish a role as both leader, provider and a source of pleasure to the dog.
You can set up specific opportunities to condition the dog that “good things happen when they are present” and stop happening when they are not.
For example, start with the dog lying in her basket, you sitting on a couch, and your partner in a chair across the room. Your partner should move over to the couch and sit next to you. You then call the dog over, and your partner gives her treats. Your partner moves back to the chair, and you send Nell back to her basket.
If at any point Nell shows jealousy or possessiveness, such as nipping or pushing in, you should take her back to her basket.
For added control I would have Nell on lead for this exercise, and have a tethering point set up – maybe a lead around a table leg next to her bed. At the first sign of unruliness quickly put her on the tether and step away. The aim is to minimize interaction. The more you try to grapple with her when she is jumping, nipping etc. the more she succeeds in getting attention, and this reinforces the bad behaviour.
If she calms down and shows no apparent reaction to your partner’s presence, she can be given a reward for staying in the basket. She becomes conditioned to the following rules - acceptance of partner’s presence leads to being invited to share in the good times, jealousy results in losing privileges.

Attention-seeking dogs

•    make sure your dog doesn’t have a valid reason for seeking your attention, such as needing to go outside
•    make sure you give your dog enough attention, exercise and mental stimulation during the day
•    try to build times of interaction into your day, so that at other times you can reasonably expect your dog to settle down and stop bugging you
•    give your dog attention at times of your own choosing, rather than in response to your dog initiating the contact
•    use attention as a reward for good behaviour rather than a response to attention-seeking
Some dogs may be “spoilt” by excessive petting, kindness and unearned privileges in every day life, and suddenly faced with demands for obedience in training (one hour a week) or a change in the household dynamics, the dog reacts with defiance, unruliness, inattentiveness or jealousy and eventually is punished or corrected. This can lead to an increased risk of aggression.

The importance of leadership

Many people, without realising it, promote their dog in rank by giving it many of the privileges of leadership. The dog reacts by behaving like a leader. This can mean being unruly, “never listening”, jumping up on people, being demanding and attention-seeking, barging through doorways, not coming when called in the park, being uncontrollable when people come to the front door and in some cases being overly aggressive or possessive.
The solution is to introduce leadership exercises, the most important of which are Earned Rewards and The Long Down.

Earned Rewards

Your dog should learn to do something for you in order to earn your attention. You as leader take control of what your dog wants and use it to teach her to do what you want. It is not so a much an specific exercise as a way of life for you and your dog. If you want to train your dog using a minimum of force, punishment and repetition, you have to take these steps:
•    establish your position as pack leader by social means
•    motivate your dog to work for you
•    teach your dog the desired signals, commands or action
These principles should be exercised in everyday life, not just in training sessions. If you spoil the dog as a matter of daily practice, but demand obedience in a 15- to 45- minute training session, it is no wonder the animal balks, is even resentful.
Establishing leadership is not just the mechanical process of giving rewards for  desired responses. It is a process of teaching the dog that “earning” is central to the relationship between the dog and the person. It can be achieved by asking your dog to do something (it can be something as simple as sitting) before you give her attention. It sounds simple, but you will be surprised at how often your dog initiates contact and you respond. Instead, turn the tables on your dog by asking her to do something for you. Try not to automatically pat or praise Nell just simply for being there. Ask her to respond to a simple command first, then give her brief attention.

The Long Down

The Long Down is both a Leadership Exercise and a practical behaviour to teach your dog inside the house. It entails teaching Nell to go and lie down, rewarding her for increased periods on staying in a relaxed but settled way on a designated spot, mat or dog bed.
The Long Down and Earned Rewards should be practised as a matter of course, every day, not just when the object of jealousy is present. If you allow your dog to sleep on your bed when your husband is away, and try to kick the dog out when he returns, she may develop resentment and hostility.

For more information see my booklets Behaviour Problems – Positive Solutions, Topic 12 Jealousy and Possessiveness.